texts from last night

May 12
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(845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

May 11
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(216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
(440): isn’t bella the cat???
(216): that she is

May 10
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(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy

May 09
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(619): dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

May 08
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(612): you guys were way drunker than both of me

May 07
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(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that’s when I knew it was a done deal.

May 06
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(513): K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends… Especially the cross eyed one.

May 05
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(301): porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.

May 04
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(214): dude. I’m so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce’s mom
(214): I can’t wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce’s mom

May 03
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(312): i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.